Academic
Milestones
1.)
“My
Communities” Paper (CORE 583, Fall 2014)
My
Community Paper
There is that old adage
that “it takes a village to raise a child” that everyone knows. I would like to
somewhat disagree with this notion, as it does not take a single village but
rather a combination of different villages (or communities) in order to raise
an individual to the person they are meant to be. Some may have more influence
than others, some may be older or newer than others but whatever the state, the
different communities in which you become a part of can—and will—impact you.
For me, personally, I have been a part of many different communities; some I am
still a part of, others I have left and some I was only in for a brief period
of time. However, they have all made me the person I am today, to help shape my
experiences, beliefs, dreams and hopes.
My
“Fam Jam”
The first community I
was, and still am, a member of is my family unit. I was born the youngest child
of Brett and June Sather in the spring of 1992. Before me, my parents had
welcomed my older sister Bryn (b. 1987) and my older brother Jarrett (b.1990)
into the world. It was in this family of five that I learnt and was shaped the
most by and that still continues to this day.
My dad and I have had
an interesting relationship. I say “interesting” because while we love each
other very much, are actually quite close to each other and can quote Pinky and the Brain like it’s no one’s
business, we have had issues. But it has not always been like this. When I was
very young, we were at times, inseparable. I would follow him out to the fields
almost every day, sit and watch TV with him whilst wearing his oversized work
socks on my tiny feet and he would pretend to be any animal I wished in the
evenings when he got home from checking the cattle. We did quite a lot together
and until I had to write this paper and reflect on our relationship, I did not
realize just how close we actually were. It was as if I was almost as if I was
his second son. That was how close our bond was.
But that was the catch.
I was not a “second son” to my dad because I was inevitably a girl. And one
day, I started acting less like a tomboy and more like a girl and this caused
our relationship to change. My dad no longer saw me as just “Marli” but rather
“Marli, the girl who is my daughter”.
Did my dad still love me? Of course! His love for me has never left my entire
life. No, my dad did not stop loving just because I was becoming too much of a
“female” for him. He simply did not know how to communicate with me anymore
because he thought I was suddenly so different that we no longer had anything
in common. But I cannot put the blame
solely on him. Because at the same time
this was happening, I too was suddenly realizing he was a man and I started to
treat him differently too. And so, like so many father-daughter relationships
before us, we began to have petty fights about nothing because we just did not
know how to talk to each other. That really upsets me now that that had to
happen at all. Because in reality, my gender never made me that much different
than my dad. It was just this idea surrounding our genders that caused us to
view each other as a completely different person, when in fact, we were still
the same old pair of people who hung out together. We just let societal views
get in the way.
Luckily, now that I am
an adult, our relationship has changed once again in a much more positive
direction. I think this shift has to do with the fact that my dad is now seeing
me as another adult, like himself, rather than as a female first. And vice versa. Now instead of wondering how
to interact with each other and clashing because of it, we can talk and hang
out because we see each other on the same level. Just as when I was little and
he saw me as the general category of “child”, he now views me as the general
category of “adult”. We are equals and if we have differences it is not because
he is a man and I am a woman, but because we are two different people, two
different adults. Going through that, and now reflecting on it, it has made me
realize that not only did I learn about how we have this preconceived notion of
the genders and their interactions but that we should not let these ideas get
in the way of our relationships. Fortunately, my relationship has repaired
itself, but other relationships (whether it is father-daughter or another
male-female relationship) are not so lucky. Stereotypes and prejudices should
not get in the way of you having what could be an amazing relationship with
someone. I am glad that my dad and I have worked through this and can now have
a wonderful relationship.
The relationship I have
with my Mum could span a whole paper of its very own because that is just how
great it is. My Mum was my very first friend and to this day, she remains the
very best one. Even when I would act embarrassed of her as a teenager and would
try to agree with my friends who would repeatedly whine about how they “hated
their Mom”; my Mum never left that spot in my heart. She loved me so much, so
much more than I ever thought a human being could love another. She loved me
even more than I deserved at times, especially during my teenage years. She is
always the first person I turn to when something good or bad happens and I will
continue to do so until I can do it no longer.
I have learnt many
things from my mum. But I would say the two greatest things I have learnt from
our relationship are how to listen and how to be compassionate. Firstly, I
would say that my mum is one of the best listeners I have ever come across.
Anytime you needed her, she was there to lend her ear. It did not matter what
was going on in her life, she would drop it to listen to my (or my siblings,
Dad’s, etc.) problems, stories or facts. And the thing was you always knew that
she was actually listening and taking it in rather than just hearing you
because of how she would react. If you told her something exciting, she would
be overjoyed and happily ask for more information. If you were sad, she would
hug you, let you vent, then talk about it and help you to feel better. She just
made you feel as though you were actually being heard, like what you had to say
really mattered. And that is such an amazing feeling to have. So, because of
this, I have learnt to be as great of a listener (hopefully) as she is. Because
if I can give that feeling to someone else, why not do it?
Directly related to
that, is the second thing my mum taught me, which is compassion. My mum did not
like to see people struggling or having some sort of problem. She would go out
of her way in order to help them. Once again, it did not matter who they were,
how closely related they were to her, if she could help them in anyway, she did
it. She would always tell me just how important it was to help someone else in
their time of need, so that they did not have to go through so much anguish.
Ultimately, it is because of her that I believe that I came to be in the CRDS
program/Rehabilitation field. I hate to see people struggle when I am in a position
to help take that away. People with disabilities should not have to go through
what they are going through and if I can somehow, in some small way, work
towards ending that, then I will. My mum told me people do not deserve to
struggle, so I will work towards ending that in the future.
Growing up the youngest
of three was definitely an experience. I was teased and mocked to no end (still
am to this day), got to be babied and protected and ultimately loved by two
exceptional older siblings. But the thing with my situation is that I grew up
with both a sister and a brother and this created some tension. My sister
believed that as girls, that we should be much closer to each other. My
brother, being much closer to my age and having a similar personality to me,
thought we should be closer. So needless to say, most of my childhood was spent
being fought over. I am not going to lie, at some points I really liked it. I
was important enough to have two people fighting for my attention. It was
awesome! However, as we grew older, I was not only fought over but also became
the person mediating the fights. My older siblings did not get along then and
they still do not get along that much today. Due to this, my role became not
just the object of most of their fights but also the one keeping them from
killing each other. I was able to understand Bryn’s view because we were both
girls and had similar interests and thoughts. But I was also able to understand
Jarrett’s side because I was not that much younger than him and we had pretty
much the same personality. So whenever they wanted to rip out each other’s
throats , I was called in to calmly talk to them and make sure that each of
them were being heard/understood. I am very grateful for this opportunity
because it allowed me not only to cultivate amazing patience and negotiate
skills, but also showed me that there are two sides to every story and that
both deserve to be heard.
Farming
Life
After my family, I
would say the next community that had a huge impact on my life was that of the
Farm. I lived on our family farm (that has been around for 105 years, I might
add) from birth until the age of eighteen. I cannot even describe just how
amazing it is to live on a farm. Every single day is an adventure. There are
trees, fields and trails to discover and explore all around you. You get to see
the blue sky and smell the fresh air every single day. And every night, you can
see all the stars and hear the crickets chirp. It may not sound very exciting
or even that beautiful. But it is simple, classic and serene. I would not trade
my days spent on the farm for anything in the world. I would have to say,
because I grew up on a farm, I not only learnt a good work ethic, but also to
enjoy the simplicity of life. Out there, it does not matter if you have the
most fashionable clothes or an iPhone 6. What matters is getting to enjoy
nature and really see the world around you. I am very happy that I am not all
about being busy or always having to have something new. I am much happier with
reading a book while listening to the wind rustle the tree branches while cows
moo in the distance. It’s the simple things in life really.
Another nice thing
about farming is the relationships and community you build with your fellow
farmers/neighbors. Out on the farm, it can be quite isolating. It literally
takes so long for you to get anywhere and a trip for groceries is like buying
supplies for an army. But when you have the support and help of others that are
in a similar situation (and area) to you, it makes it so much better. Growing
up in a farming community taught me the importance of lending a helping hand.
If you needed an extra truck during harvest, you had one. If you needed someone
to help out at branding, you needn’t
worry. And if your cows got out, you neighbor would phone you from their truck as they were
chasing them back towards the right pasture. It did not matter what the task,
farmers were there to help their fellow farmers with whatever they needed.
I can remember an excellent example to help
illustrate this point. A few years ago, my brother rolled his truck and one of
my neighbors saw it happen while he was out combining his field near the gravel
road. My neighbor stopped what he was doing immediately, and went to make sure
my brother was okay. He phoned 911 and my parents and stayed with my brother
until he was taken to the hospital.
Even afterwards, he would phone to check up
and see how Jarrett was doing. An act like this may not seem like that big of a
deal. He saw an accident, so of course he went to help the person out. But the
thing is, this happened during harvest, one of the most crucial times for a
farmer. If you do not get your fields done on time, you risk losing your
livelihood basically. So, instead of keeping on working in his field to meet
his quota, my neighbor stopped his whole operation, setting himself back
immensely, in order to help my brother out. If that is not being helpful and
selfless, I do not know what is. It is because of this mentality, that at least
farmers in my area held, that I learnt about what it truly is to put others
before yourself.
Small
Town Girl
Another community I was
part of was the community of my hometown. Gull Lake, Saskatchewan, a tiny town
of 1,110 people just off the #1 highway is where I went to school, church and
swimming lessons. It’s a cute little town and has a lot of things that other
towns are not lucky enough to have like a theatre, swimming pool, and both a
curling and skating rink. What I loved about being there is everything was not
rushed, people moved slower and enjoyed life. You could walk down the middle of
the street and never worry about getting hit and there was no such thing as a
traffic jam. It was really quite nice.
However, my love affair
with the town stopped there. While Gull Lake itself was very nice, I cannot say
that much for most of its inhabitants. The experiences I had with the people of
Gull Lake were all negative but somehow still ended on a positive note. Let me
explain: firstly, if you were not a well-known or popular family in the town,
you were not regarded very highly in the community. Basically, these were the
families where every generation stayed in the town because they had some sort
of “power” there that they did not have elsewhere. Secondly, if you did not
play football or hockey, you were once again, not regarded very highly. Lastly,
if you were a girl, you either had to be dumb, pretty and marriage material or
smart enough to go to college for a couple years and then come back, be pretty
and get married. If you did not fit this criterion, you were not treated too
nicely.
So as you can guess, I
did not fit into these categories. My family, though long time members of the
community, was not “popular”, mainly because we lived out of town and because
we did not meet the second requirement: we did not play sports. Not at all. So
all of the “powerful” families looked down upon us for this. But on top of
that, I also did not follow their idea of what a girl should be. I was bookish,
quiet and wanted to know more about the world. I wanted to live my life for me
and not according to some small town’s rules. I was ridiculed for this fact
many times and this made me have a negative image of myself whilst I grew up
there. I felt as though I was not good enough for the town; that for being
myself, I was somehow not worthy of the town’s time. This place and these
people were all I knew. I thought if I did not it in there, I would not fit in
anywhere in the world.
Fortunately, that was
not the case. Once I left that town, I was able to reflect on how it was not
that I was wrong for the community, but that the community had just not been
the right one for me. The small minded attitude of the Southwest town was not
big enough to help nurture my curiosity and yearning for knowledge. While it
may be alright for the inhabitants to stay there for life, it was not the same
for me. So while it was a very negative experience while I grew up there, in
the end it was a positive learning experience. I learnt that sometimes you have
to go against what everyone else thinks in order to be true to yourself and
make your dreams come true. There are so many things to learn and experience in
this world and you should never let what any other people say you should be doing with your life get in
the way of you actually living your life.
Campus
Community
Another important
community to my life, as I am currently a member of it, is that of the University. I have been in the
post-secondary community for five years now and plan to be here for a few more
when I hopefully go onto grad school for Speech-Language Pathology. I have been
a part of three different institutions in my five years: one year at the
University of Saskatchewan, two years at Medicine Hat College and two years at
the University of Calgary. And even though they are very different from one
another, they have all taught me the same things and given me experiences I
never thought I would have.
The first may be
obvious, but of course being at University has given me great education and
knowledge. I love to learn new things, to see the world from different
perspectives and figure out why things are the way they are. I am very grateful
that I did go onto post-secondary education and that am able to learn more and
more each day. The more chapters I read, the more I understand and can apply to
my life. Since I am so curious and have this need for knowledge, I do not know
what I would be like if I had not made that decision to be one of the few
people from my graduating class to go onto University.
But aside from the
obvious classroom education University/College has given me, it has also
allowed me the opportunity to learn more about different people. Growing up, I
only knew my family, friends from school and people in my town. All of them were
Caucasian, usually Christian, Canadian and able bodied. There was not much
diversity to be honest. But once I went to University, I was able to meet and
become friends with a multitude of different people. Because of my post
secondary education, I have not only met other Canadians from around the
country, but also people from Korea, Turkey, England, Romania, Jamaica, the
Czech Republic and Mexico. I have also
been able to meet people of all ages and capabilities. With each of these
encounters, I have learnt so much about the world at large, but also about my
own country. When you live in one place your whole life, you forget that not
everywhere or everyone else is experiencing the things you are. But when you
are open to learning more about other people, other experiences and cultures,
the knowledge you gain is second to none. I am very happy I have met these
people and now know how to make Korean Sushi (thanks to my roommate) or about
the politics of Turkey. It is true that the more you know, the more enriched
your life is.
Lastly, being at
university has taught me that it is okay to be who I am and to be proud of
that. My hometown liked to tell me who I should be and if I did not fit that
mould, I was out casted. But in university, no one cares if you are popular or
if you are their cup of tea. If you do not mesh with someone else, you simply
do not mesh and they will go find someone more suiting for them, just like you
will too. And finding that out once I went to University was so liberating and
amazing. I could read all I wanted without having to worry about someone
ripping the book from hands to mock me for being “too brainy”. I could ask
questions and get good grades without someone accusing me of being a “teacher’s
pet”. I could just be me and not care what other people think. Because all of
us “Uni Kids” are here, working towards the same purpose: a degree. We all have
different styles of doing so, but in the end, we are just here to learn new
things and use those things out in the real world once we’re done here. It is
so refreshing for everyone to be so different from each other, yet having
respect enough respect for one another at the same time. It is really a lovely
thing to get to experience.
Honorable
Mentions
The amount of
communities that I have been in cannot fit into a five to eight page paper. But
I still feel as though I should give them a brief word. Other than the
communities above, I have been in many others. Some of them include being a
roommate, a friend, a club member, an employee and so many more. I was actually
surprised when I sat down and thought about what groups I have been or am a
member of and found that I have a lot
more than originally thought. And maybe some of these groups I have been in
only lasted a short while. Perhaps they have fluctuated over the years. And
maybe I am still an active member in them today. Whatever the case, each
community I have been a part of—big or small—has helped me to learn something
about myself or the world. And I feel very lucky that I have been able to have
been/be a part of them.
To
conclude
I began my paper
somewhat disagreeing with a common quote. As you can see, it is clear that I
(as I think all people are) was not raised or shaped by just one community but
by many different ones. Each gave me a different experience and different
insight to who I am and contributed to who I am today. It was actually very
emotional for me writing this paper and I had a good cry here and there. I feel
as though that was normal for me because I am a highly emotional person but
also because when you reflect—and I mean really
reflect—on your life and the people and things that happened, it is a
really eye-opening experience. And to get a little emotional over what has been
great or unfortunate in your life, is normal. After all, I am only human. This
paper not only allowed me to reflect on and get emotional about my past, but it
also truly appreciate all that is in my life. Too often we get caught up in
life and do not sit back and reflect or value our life. I am grateful that I
was able to do so in this paper and to realize just how important many
communities have been for me.
¤
There is something so
freeing about writing a reflective paper about yourself and all that has
happened in it to get you to where you are today. I am a pretty deep thinker to
begin with, but there is a difference between thinking and reflecting and writing down said thoughts and
reflections. When you are just thinking inside your head, your thoughts may not
always be as explicit or as drawn out as when you write them down. Of course,
when thinking to yourself about all you have been through and who has been
there, you have lived it, so you do not need to go into detail as much.
But when you write it
down and explicitly describe it, it is amazing just how it makes you feel. This
was the first paper I wrote, university or otherwise, that I had to stop
several times to cry and let my emotions out. Through this paper, I was able to
look back at the people and places I have been and how they made me who I am
today. Some of them have affected me in a positive way, and allowed me to dream
about and reach my potential. Others have affected me in a negative way,
limiting me from who I truly am or putting down my individualism. Yet, even
these negative experiences, have helped me to grow.
For the most part, the
communities I discussed were positive for me. By communities, I do not
always mean a shared geographic
location, although those certainly do still count. For the most part, my
communities are groups that I belong to and have shared experiences with. One
positive community was my family, another was my group of friends. These are
people I have shared so much with and throughout my life they have supported
me to become who I am. They gave me the resources, encouragement and
opportunities to grow and discover myself. If I needed assistance they were
there. If I needed independence, they let me have it. Being able to look back on what the groups of people in my life have done for me really made me appreciative
of my life and all the wonderful people I have in it.
Of course, this
supports why I am so adamant that in my career, I will work so people can not
be limited by anyone. I want others to feel as good as I do because we all
deserve to be happy, supported and appreciated. Sometimes, people do not have
family or friends in their life to help them, so I want to be that person
helping to support them so they can reach their potential. Or, perhaps they do
have family and friends, but those groups of people need extra support or help
in order to help that individual. I would also be there to help if this were
the case.
However, I too have had
a negative impact from my communities. In my paper, I discuss how my small town
limited me to the role of housewife, essentially. While there is absolutely
nothing wrong with this job, it is not the sole thing I want with my life. My
town believed that since I was a women, I was to stay in said town and
procreate. That is it, that is all. Since I wanted more, I was ridiculed and
made to feel ashamed of my dreams. I was told that would never happen by many
people, and for a while, I believed them. However, once I moved away and went
to University, I discovered there is more to the world than my small town.
There are more opportunities and people out here who do to put me down. I do
not have to hang out with people who put me down, because I can find people who
truly appreciate me and want to share in my life in a positive way. This was
something my small town could not offer me.
This negative
experience with my town reflects how overall society can put down people and
tell them that they can only ever be one thing. I do not believe that we are
ever one thing and that we should be the many different things that make us
whole. Again, we should be able to express ourselves, not just a part that
society has delineated to us.
